Work was
shelf-stacking eight to ten
hours a night at a superstore in Kings Cross.
VASILIUS
--So if I can come up with enough of your great English pound
it should take me half the time to get my boat.
ROGER
How long is it going to take?
VASILIUS
About a couple more years. I've already got most of the money
together actually.
Enter GOLLUM, real name FRANCIS. Every store has it's own
jerk-off and he's the trophy-holder for this particular place. He's skinny but
bowls around as if he were Mr.T, in his late 20's, pale skinned. so called
GOLLUM for his technique of sneaking around spying on people and jumping in
with what they're talking about.
GOLLUM
Oh look at you two jabbering on as usual, surprise surprise
getting nothing done. What's the topic today then, who can suck a better cock?
VASILIUS
Cock?What is a 'cock'?
GOLLUM
You know, prick, penis, rhymes with your name actually
dunnit?- Something you probably stick up Greek boys bums.
VASILIUS
Greek boys- ? I don't understand.
ROGER
(sighing)
Just ignore the twat.
GOLLUM
(aggressively)
Who you calling a twat, four-eyes?
(silence)
GOLLUM
Never mind that, Steve wants Telly Savalas here to go help
the mute clean the rubble downstairs.
VASILIUS
Charlie?
GOLLUM
Yeah you heard me. Mr.Smiley-Face. I get the prestigious
honour of finishing Cereals with Rick Moranis here.
Enter a hurried Steve, one of the night branch-managers.
Steve
'Ere Francis, you tell 'em yet?
GOLLUM
Yeah Boss.
STEVE
So what you still doing here then?
ROGER
Just annoying us.
VASILIUS
So, I go now??
STEVE
Yeah go see Charlie he'll tell you what needs doing. Remind
Charlie that he has his promotional hearing next week too, while you're at it.
INT. PUB near Charing Cross station.
Here we are introduced to CHARLIE ??? the protagonist of this story. He's good-looking/clean cut- some might describe as All-American boy, however he's actually British, mixed heritage. - with 4 of his co-workers from the store. ROGER/PONYTAIL is there, CLAIRE, a cuddly blonde with bright baby blue eyes who talks almost upper-class and certainly seems out of her place amongst most of the others who work at the market, joining them is also DAVID, a friend roughly the same age.
CLAIRE
Didn't you get it? (nudges Charlie)
CLAIRE
Charlie?
CHARLIE
(waking up from his daydream)
What?
CLAIRE
The joke.
CHARLIE
What joke?
ROGER
Jesus Christ Charlie, which planet did you just beam down
from?
CHARLIE
(yawning)
Sorry mate. Guess I'm just tired...Yeah. Think I better be
off in fact. Go and get a nap in.
CLAIRE
I'll see you off to the bus stop.
DAVID
Yeah some rest, we'll see you Monday on the site.
CLAIRE
Let's get this lazybones to bed.
ROGER
(winking)
Steady on Claire, they'll be rumours you know..?
ClAIRE and Charlie shuffle outside and trudge along the
pavement. He's pretty beat but she's not so sure it's not related to physical
exertion at work. CAMERA angle from the front as they walk.
CHARLIE
Sorry to be the killjoy in there.
CLAIRE
No, it's fine. I think they wanted to be alone anyway, so
they can talk about birds they've shagged.
Charlie sighs.
CLAIRE
Anything the matter?
CHARLIE
Nothing really (looks downcast)
CLAIRE
(teasing)
Yeah. Clearly.
They begin to walk past a near-empty park.
CLAIRE
Want to sit for a while?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
They find themselves on the childrens swings. A little kid
stops by out of nowhere, gives them a teed-off and then scampers off before
CHARLIE has a chance to give him his seat.
CHARLIE
Oops. Looks like we stole someones turf.
CLAIRE
He might come back with all his mates, kick our heads in.
Sitting in silence.
CLAIRE
So did you want to hear that joke?
CHARLIE
If I have to.
CLAIRE
A copper pulls this bloke in a Ferrari over, taps on the
window and says in an authoritive voice "Sir, please step out of the car." The
man does what he says and the cop says "Is that your girlfriend accompanying
you in the vehicle." "Yes" "Then I'm afraid I'll have to take you in for
drink-driving". "Why on earth would you think I'm intoxicated" "Because, anyone
who drives a car that nice and has a girl that ugly with him must be drunk."
CHARLIE
(smiling)
That's actually not bad..
CLAIRE
Big hands Charlie.
She slowly puts her hand over his. He doesn't react instantly
but slowly retracts his away.
CHARLIE
I can't do that, I'm sorry.
CLAIRE
It's okay Charlie-
CHARLIE
No- but I should explain-
CLAIRE
-really, it's ok. (stands up, backing off). It's just bad
timing or something right? I get it. I don't know what I was thinking anyway.
So, see you!
She dashes away, again he's too late to keep someones
feelings again that day.
CHARLIE
Hey, hold on!
He sits for a minute in his thoughts and then leaves. PAN TO
STREET AS HE WALKS; it has begun to rain, lightly at first; a shower, but
quickly grows much heavier and he is reluctantly forced to run. As he moves we
switch to a BIRDSEYE view which pulls back so that people's umbrellas become
like fractal patterns. We watch him dive in and out from under shop awnings
until he comes to a stop at the bottom step of a public library. He looks as if
he has decided it's a good place to wait out the storm.
Inside, the library exists in an old fire-station. Despite
the foul weather it is only about a quarter full. We hear scattered voices. TWO
OLD MEN discussing goals scored in a recent football match. Charlie wonders
about aimlessly. We see shots of the differing sections history, geography,
periodicals, biographies of various historical figures. Finally Charlie's
interest is caught by the travel section. We see him fingering the spines of
several random books until he comes across one- "The Young Dudes Guide to
Japan". Flicking through it his eyes finally come to rest on something
interesting (we don't see), he takes the book and sits down in a corner at a
desk.
We now get to see what is written,
"On the seventh night of the seventh month, the Godess of
Weaving and the Cattle Herder will have their annual visiting hour in thier
celestrial prison.
The story goes, the heavenly goddess of weaving, the daughter of the Emperor of
the Skies, fell in love, quite inappropriately, with a cattle herder. Their
love was so deep that they spent all of their time together completely
neglecting their duties (which probablly meant that they were shagging around
the clock). This angered the Emperor so that he created a river to run across
the skies so as to separate the two. The lovers could only see each other on
the opposite sides of the river. The goddess of love pitied them and provided a
boat on which they could share a stolen moment one night out of a year.
The river (Amanogawa) is the Milkyway. The Godess of Weaving (Orihimeh) is
Vega. The Cattle Herder (Hikoboshi) is Altair. It is actually hard to see them
on July 7th when the rain season is just coming to a close. This is because it
is supposed to be based on the lunar calendar in which the seventh day of the
seventh month would be sometime in the middle of August, when the skies will be
clear.
CHARLIE
(n.ALMOST WHISPERING)
God. She was beautiful.
The myth probablly started in China where there are records dating back to 1st
century B.C. There are similar stories in Korea, Thailand, Vietnam and Malaysia.
The custom of decorating bamboo trees started in the Edo period. You write your
wish on a piece of paper and hang it on a decorated bamboo tree so that it may
come true. There are also some variations depending on where in Japan you
reside, some of which are holdover customs from native Shinto beliefs.
"
Yamamoto Tsunetomo wrote in his 'Hagakure' his definition of the spirit of the
Samurai.
The essence of bushido is death.... One must live each day, from every dawn to
every eve, with determination to die, to repent and to die again. A man who
intends to die honorablly in everything he does shall be truely free in his
warriorhood and shall not fail in his life.
War brings out the best and the worst in a man. And each best and worst is
defined by ones actions. You are defined by your actions. This wisdom has been
discovered and rediscovered in every conflict in history.
Bushido is a philosophy that places a man in the face of clear and present
danger, in the midst of death and fear, to the brink where cowardice or valor
is smoked out of the man, and dare to stare the fear in the eye and stare for
the rest of his life.
In each and every case, you must choose the course in which you are more likely
to die. There is no reason. Just advance with confidence. He who says that
death without success is a futile death is an arrogant city-boy warrior. No one
can succeed every time. Selfish men prefer to live, and must twist their
reasons to suit their wish for life. Through a choice thus taken, should you
fail and live, you shall be a coward. If you fail and die, you may be a crazy
fool, but there is no shame. That is the important thing for the samurai
warrior.
Define yourselves by your actions in the face of death. That is the essence of
bushido."
As he reads we angle on his eyes, which are obviously growing
heavier. FADE OUT to:
CHARLIE
It all started on a trip to Amsterdam..
EXT.AMSTERDAM,
THE NETHERLANDS
We next go to a montage of Charlie wandering
around Holland the capital city, but instead of it being a picturesque scenic
tourist book gallery we are being shown transitions of the darker and some
might say more entertaining; menus of many types of weed, hookers,
extravagant pimps, beggars, burly bouncers standing outside packed-out dance
clubs. Charlie is seen walking around, enjoying a few beers in the pub, looking
wide-eyed at gorgeous hookers, laughing out loud at a dancing bum.
CHARLIE(N)
I'm not an impulsive type, but Ponytail had been banging on
about it for months..
PONYTAIL (n)
(His narration has some echo to the voice as if he is
talking through a loud-speaker)
-facking weed everywhere in the 'Stam. None of that backyard
shite you'd get over here neither, real weed straight son from Afghanistan and
Thailand. And if that doesn't take your fancy the fucking birds over there'll
have you tapdancing in the streets.
CHARLIE(N)
Well, like he mentioned I'm not much of a druggie, but who
doesn't like tall, angular blondes. (Does an American accent) Hell yeah.
Now we can see a WALK-CAM FP view from CHARLIE's eyes. He's
in the Red-Light zone, we see many girls in neon-lit boxes giving him beckoning
eyes. It's just their job but he doesn't know that, the camera shows us.Finally
it falls on one particularly attractive BRUNETTE. Tall, slender wearing nothing
but matching scarlet bra & underwear. She speaks with a non-identifiable
European accent.
PROSTITUTE
You're a cute one...
He doesn't know what to say, but stands there, obviously keen.
PROSTITUTE
But not much of a talker. Why don't you come in?
With the door now open he finds it impossible not to step
inside.
INT. DIMLY-LIT BEDROOM
The are cushioned with a hue that matches her underwear, to
set her apart. There is an odor in there, we see it on CHARLIE'S face.
PROSTITUTE
So, what is your desire? You take yours straight-up, or do
you have some kind of a fetish?
He's still not saying much.
PROSTITUTE
If you like I have got a latex catsuit and a-
CHARLIE
Straight.
PROSTITUTE
Ok, you got it.
She motions for him to sit on the couch. We don't get to see
much on CAMERA except that takes one of many condoms lying on the vanity table
and is on her knees in front of him attempting to massage his trousers. He's
not getting hard.
PROSTITUTE
Not a lot I can do here, you know?
CHARLIE
(nerves beginning to show)
Yeah. I dunno. I-
PROSTITUTE
Well--
CHARLIE
Maybe we could just talk for a bit.
PROSTITUTE
Okay, as long as you know the clocks ticking and I still get
paid
CHARLIE
No problem
PROSTITUTE
(rests on the couch next to him)
So what's your name?
CHARLIE
Umm.. John
PROSTITUTE
This your first time with a prostitute Charlie?
CHARLIE
Yeah
PROSTITUTE
Don't worry. Lots of guys have the same issue first time
'round.
Cathartic experience.
INT.SUPERMARKET
A quiet scene with CHARLIE stacking washing-powder in the
aisle. There's voices around him but they're dim and overpowered by the music
coming through his walkman. Audible is a conversation between GOLLUM and
VASILIUS.
GOLLUM
--family. You trying to tell me someone actually married you?
Bugger me, what did you do, kidnap her parents first?
VASILIUS
No Francis, believe what you like but she consented to be my
wife quickly after I asked.
GOLLUM
That's alright I think I've figured out how you did it, I've
seen things like that on the Jerry Springer show. The bloke comes on with his
girlfriend thinking he's on the show for their anniversary- only then he finds
out it's actually because she wants to confess she's is actually a 'he'.
VASILIUS
That's a nice story but I can assure you that it is not the
case with us.
GOLLUM
You sure?
Enter Steve in his usual hurried manner.
STEVE
Goll-er, Francis do you mind taking yourself and your filthy
mouth down to tins and jams.
GOLLUM
What with fucking John the wino? Great, well I do actually
mind, but since it's my job..(starts to go) Here, Vaseline-us.
VASILIUS
What?
GOLLUM
You done her up the arse yet?
VASILIUS
What?
GOLLUM
(laughing)
Bet you did you dirty rotter..
STEVE
Francis- go, now please!
GOLLUM
(almost out of shot)
You know you don't own her till you've done the rusty muffler!
Vasilius gives an audible sigh. Catching Steves eyes.
STEVE
I know what you're thinking. Why is he here? Right?..Well if
we weren't short on staff... Even so, believe it or not, he's actually faster
than most at his job.
VASILIUS
OK.
The sounds fade. We angle on CHARLIE from opposite as he
moves along the aisle stacking. Closing up on his profile, we can see he's on
auto-pilot. We see flashes of the girl he met, close-ups of her eyes, and teeth
when she smiles.
FADE OUT
INT. ROSE
& CROWN PUB.COLLINDALE
CHARLIE is reading the paper at a random pub he walked into.
There are no distinguishing effects to the pub except for the fact that it
seems rather well-looked after. The BARMAN is behind the counter and something
in his eyes changes when he notices CHARLIE behind the paper. He walks over,
bringing a pint CHARLIE ordered.
BARMAN
Cor Blimey. When was the last time you saw a razor?
CHARLIE is both part-offended part-amused. He peers over the
top of the paper and eyes the BARMAN up-and-down before replying;
CHARLIE
Probably about the same time you last saw your belt-line.
The BARMAN stares at him in a curious manner, and talks just
before CHARLIE is about to go back to reading.
BARMAN
I see you don't remember me at all then, young Charlie
Gallant.
Charlie takes another look over his paper, and seconds later
it drops.
CHARLIE
(stands with rare burst of emotion)
Bugger me! If it isn't MR.FITZGERALD.
It's an old kindergarten teacher of CHARLIE'S. ROY FITZGERALD
is
tall, bit of a beer belly, crimson hair. FITZGERALD resembles an owl, with
deep-set emotional eyes beneath a bushy brow.
FITZGERALD
Bugger you indeed, though I'd rather just serve drinks if
it's all the same
CHARLIE
(shaking head)
How did I not recognise you when I came in? You look exactly
the same.
FITZGERALD
Not exactly. Few tokens of age here and there, receeding
hairline, liver spots, bit of a tire around the old belly (taps stomach). Still
a handsome bastard though, wouldn't you agree?
FITZGERALD
Booze and smokes have killed my singing voice though, poor me.
CHARLIE
(grinning)
I'd say that has more to do with a certain 'lack of talent'
in the first place, if memory serves.
FITZGERALD
Cheeky devil.
CHARLIE
Ahem. Like I said, you haven't changed.(pause) Wow, so you
work here now?
FITZGERALD
Work? (knocks on counter) THIS is my bar. My old fellas,
before he croaked.
CHARLIE
Nice. So you gave up teaching?
FITZGERALD
About 10 year ago. Nice enough job, but it's a young mans
game, teaching kiddies. I don't have the grunt for it these days. Especially
when the occasional little uncontrollable turd comes along. That's you I'm
picturing when I say that.
CHARLIE
Was I that bad? I can't remember a thing about those days.
FITZGERALD
Let's just say you gave us all a few headaches. Your dad was great thou- no hang-on he was your granddad wasn't he.
CHARLIE
That's right.
FITZGERALD
I remember your granddad coming in to school to see us, what was he, like
70 or something. Striding in with his cane and white fedora. We
used to call him ‘The General’- he certainly had a presence. Wouldn't have
looked out of place in a Havana mansion.
Came in here for a pint once, your grand-pop he did. Talked about you the
whole time as if you were good-as-gold. Tell you what he must've had more
control over you then we did then. Of course, he had been in the war and as I
remember he always carried medals they’d given him around in his jacket
pockets. Couldn’t believe it when he told me he’d raised you alone by
himself. Not an easy job for an old fella. Mind you he was the valiant
type of yore, not like the young these days, who would shit liquid if they were
involved in a Nazi onslaught on anywhere other than their Sony Playstation's.
We never had anything like that in Iraq. Most we did was trace Scuds and
analyse aerial photography. Didn’t know who or what we were killing.
CHARLIE
You heard he died, right?
FITZGERALD
(sympathetic)
No. Really? That's a tragedy. A real loss of a fine
man. When was it?
CHARLIE
Just a few days ago, actually.
FITZGERALD
Sorry for your loss.
CHARLIE
Had to happen sooner or later, he was in his 90's.
FITZGERALD
Well. That drink is on the house.
CHARLIE
Thanks.
EXT. DOORWAY
AT CHARLIE'S FRIENDS HOUSE
(LEE WONG)
SIDE-VIEW of CHARLIE at the door of his. From an adjacent
window we can hear TAKE THAT. It's "COULD IT BE MAGIC" accompanied by atrocious
singing from a badly accented Asian voice inside.
BOYBAND WONG
Come. Come. Come into my arms. Let me feel the wonder-
CHARLIE
Wong.
BOYBAND WONG
--of all of you, could it be magic.
ChARLIE
BOYBAND WONG!!
The singing stops and seconds later a head pops out from
around the door. It's CHARLIES friend BOYBAND WONG. He's in his early 20's,
cute, naive, hopeless fashion-sense.
BOYBAND WONG
I told you, you don cawl me that Charwlie!
CHARLIE
Can I come in or what?
BOYBAND WONG
Sure. (mimics the song he was singing) Come. Come. Come into
my house. Could I be the best singer in this town or what?
CHARLIE
Or what.
INT. FRONT ROOM
BOYBAND WONG
How about an E then, sir? said Wong as he handed Jim the
baggie.
CHARLIE
I wont say no. Smilies?
BOYBAND WONG
The eye-rollers
CHARLIE
Good.Good.
WONG hands him a baggie. CHARLIE takes an e, drops it, and
then hands WONG a fiver from his back pocket. CHARLIE notices NO RETREAT NO
SURRENDER being played on an old BETAMAX VCR. The quality is piss-poor.
CHARLIE
(groaning)
This is such a shit movie
Wong nods as he exhales out billowing marijuana clouds.
BOYBAND WONG
Van Damme is in it though, isn't it?
CHARLIE
He's only in it for 5 minutes!
BOYBAND WONG
Still Van Damme though.
WONG offers the bong to CHARLIE, who refuses.
BOYBAND WONG
(raising eyebrows)
This chinks hash no good enough for you eh?
CHARLIE
How's it going with that Spanish bird?
BOYBAND WONG
No man, it aint going anywhere anymore, she fucking
crazy, she crazier like tha' bitch downstair always fuck talking her
fucking cats all the time.
"Oh you broke up?"
"Yeah. Her moody, too Latin and moody that bitch was.".
CHARLIE
Ok never mind. Why's it so dark in here?
BOYBAND WONG
Oh I was fucking around wid my chuckas and I smashed the lightbulb, hold on a minute, I just remembered I got spare somewhere.
WONG whistles his way into the kitchen and CHARLIE has a rummage through his
video collection.
CHARLIE
(shouting)
Hey Wong, got any Japanese movies?
BOYBAND WONG
No.
CHARLIE
Not even any Japanese martial arts movies?
BOYBAND WONG
Got some samurai movie, probably not your cuppa tea though
WONG comes hurtling back through the kitchen and nearly trips over a stack
videos in the way in. He made space on the desk to stand on and starts
talking as he screws in the bulb.
BOYBAND WONG
You know, I'll probably get a DVD player soon. I wasn't going
to bother but I read somewhere that the DVD for Rocky has pretty facking cool
Easter Egg in it.
CHARLIE
Easter Egg?
BOYBAND WONG
You know, like, special feature on DVD that can only be
activated if you know the codes to make it work. Secret stuffs.
CHARLIE
Like what?
BOYBAND WONG
Like in 'ROCKY' you get a feature of Stallone as himself and
Rocky talking to each-other like they are old mates.
CHARLIE doesn't react.
BOYBAND WONG
That's wicked, right?
CHARLIE
But haven't you already got Rocky though?
BOYBAND WONG
Yeah but..
CHARLIE
You're gonna spend what? How much is it?
BOYBAND WONG
Like, 20 quid.
CHARLIE
20 quid. Just for that.
BOYBAND WONG
Yeah.
CHARLIE
That's just crazy.
WONG goes back to his bong.
BOYBAND WONG
So Charlie, how come you want see some Japanese movies?
CHARLIE
No particular reason.
BOYBAND WONG
Oh yeah? You into some Asian culture now? Summit?
CHARLIE
Yeah, maybe a little bit..
BOYBAND WONG
Well, tell you what, you know there's this thing - event - in Chinatown for us Oriental next week.
CHARLIE
Nah, not interested mate.
BOYBAND WONG
You sure, I can't get out of it because my parents are
expecting me there, but I don't want to go there alone and I figure if you're
not doing anything..It's got free Chinese food.
CHARLIE
No..oh ….free? Serious?
BOYBAND WONG
Yeah man, much Chow Mein as you can handle.
As WONG is taking another hit on his pipe, the doorbell rings. To WONGs
surprise and dismay CHARLIE jumps up to answer it before he can be
stopped. WONG lurches up, coughing up smoke-
BOYBAND WONG
Wait! Don' answer tha--
But it's too late. Standing at the door is a MAN in a grey
pinstripe business suit carrying a board and a pen in the other hand.
MAN
(loudly)
Good Evening Sir (points to ID card hanging on his
chest).Paul Roberts from the Television Licensing Company, do you live here?
CHARLIE
No. The tenant is inside.
There was a sound of chairs falling over and videos being
thrown astray from
the back room. The television man stretches his neck in an effort to
see what chaos is prevailing. He's seen this happen a few times.
MAN
(impatient)
May I come in?
CHARLIE
(wry smile)
Why, yes, most certainly do..
CHARLIE lets Paul Roberts in as he himself leaves. We pan to Paul Roberts
vision. In the front room, the television had mysteriously dissapeared but the
left on
the desk where it had once stood were wires and tv connectors and clean
rectangle
where no dust is. Obvious to all and sunder that a TV has just been moved. We
see a guilty looking WONG standing alert.
FADE OUT
EXT. WONGS
CAR. LONDON STREETS
ROGER in the back, CHARLIE and WONG are
travelling in Wong's van. It's truly on it's last legs, done over 150,000,
exhaust fumes all over the place. Almost embarrasing for the other two to ride
in.
BOYBAND WONG
100 fucking quid it's gonna cost me for that telly license
you know..That's a lot of fucking money for me.
CHARLIE
Ah come on. They catch everyone sooner or later.
BOYBAND WONG
It don't help you letting them in friends houses though eh.
pfff.man, first STEPS break up, now this.
CHARLIE
Doesn't your uncle own a pretty fancy Chinese restaurant off
Kings Cross? You could go work for him couldn't you?
BOYBAND WONG
Work? I never work. only stupid people work. I sell hash.
CHARLIE
How much does that bring in? Like, a fiver a day or something. That's not real money.
BOYBAND WONG
Yeah but soon I gonna start selling harder stuff. Got some
good contacts now.
CHARLIE
Should get off that shit, Wong.
(pause)Anyway,
I can't believe you're still driving this
heap-of-junk car. I thought you were going to pick us up in something dignified.
BOYBAND WONG
This a good fuckin' car man! you know
nothing.
WONG puts a tape into the cassette player.
It's
BACKSTREET BOYS "AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME".
BOYBAND WONG
"Don' care who you is, where are you from,
don't care wha' you doing as long as you love me!"
ROGER gives CHARLIE a
are-you-fucking-kidding-me? look in the mirror.
PONYTAIL
This ain't happening man, this ain't happening.
BOYBAND WONG
(loudly)
What my man, you don't like good music?
PONYTAIL
Hey I like good music. But this is shit. Is this guy for
real?Gotta
be a fucking wind-up
CHARLIE
What you see is what you get, my friend.
PONYTAIL
Boyband Wong indeed. I thought you were pulling my plonker
when you said that was his name.
CHARLIE
(laughing)
Oh God, you weren't supposed to say-
BOYBAND WONG
Hey! You no call me that. (taps CHARLIE who
is
in near hysterics) why you bring you great-grandfather along to party man?
PONYTAIL chuckles at the obvious truth of the statement. He
is far too old to be hanging out with two young bucks on the hunt for some poon.
BOYBAND WONG
We get no women yo! They run screaming "Aaahhh! Old man, old
dirty man!"
PONYTAIL
(smirking)
OK. OK. I apologise. Hands on the wheel now.
BOYBAND WONG
Why I bring you guys, I dunno..
Minutes pass in silence.
BOYBAND WONG
Hey we neary there!
CHARLIE
(suddenly)
Oh my God, did one of you just let rip in here? Jeezus!
EXT. DOME
THEATRE
They pass by OUT-OF-CAR-WINDOW shot of a monolithic dome
structure, for annual events big groups of people. Aesthetically stunning
inside cavity.Literally thousands of people attend. converted for Chinese New
Year. Fumes from steam-cooked food. WONG parks the car and they follow
directions to the entrance. Along the way we can see lavish decorations, paper
flyers hang from walls, throbs of people line to get in. Chinese music.We can
see lots of lucky red and gold. The event is on a more formidable scale than
CHARLIE or PONYTAIL had imagined. Families, most at least partly Asian.
INT.DOME THEATER
Inside, crowds of people -mostly Chinese, enjoy the variety
of oriental food stalls. In the center square are about a hundred rows of seats
and eating tables, which incidentally also make nice viewing position for
spectators the prominent stage that dominates the theatre.
PONYTAIL
Where's the shitter at?
He goes off and leaves CHARLIE and WONG alone.
Portly, slightly
elderly and nervous ASIAN WOMAN shuffles up to the podium.
ANNOUNCER
(clears throat)
..Greetings ladies and gentleman. Welcome
to
the Pan-Annual Chinese New Year event here at the Florian Palace. We would like
to introduce for your pleasure the Symphony contempary performance of the
Gordon Street Orchestra with conductor Li Lang.
She then repeats the same statement in Chinese.smiling.
hobbyists pension-age reflects in their playing which is poorly arranged. Most
of the crowd are ignorant.
BOYBAND WONG
(cringes, looks at CHARLIE)
I know, who drowning the cat, right? Not my
kind of music. Hungry?
CHARLIE
(nodding)
Yeah. Starving. Let's go eat.
They browse around the perimeter of the room, surveying the many types of food on sale. ANGLE OF stalls with the names VIETNAMESE , KOREAN, JAPANESE, SECHUAN, MALAY.
BOYBAND WONG
Think I'm going to go for Chinese over there.
He wonders off naturally and disappears into the crowd.
Bowls of noodles in pork miso broth. He forgot to get a fork.
Charlie
looks around, anxious, embarrassed, trying to get the attention of the staff
and hoping not to be seen in the process. He tries to use the chopsticks but he
can't. We see him fumble around trying to eat noodles, he manages a few but
can't.
CHARLIE
Shit.
Blah blah. a hang with a fork in it. CHARLIE looks up.
Smiling back at him is the girl he met. She clearly enamours him.
CHARLIE
It's you.
Ethereal seconds pass. Freeze frame on CHARLIE's face which
then
AND THEN...
Time sequence event. It's been plain
sailing.
CHARLIE adores her
terribly. She's literally turned his life upside down in a positive manner. His
personality has been affected by her, he's more much more chatty,
This evidence be seen in a montage of their relationship for the past year. We
see it in his sleep one night. Flashes of them together doing things couples
deeply in love do, candlelit dinners, movies, slow walks on the beach,.
Something akin to a karaoke video.
As this is happening we hear a narrative from KUMIKO:
KUMIKO (n)
That was the best time. To think I'd meet my greatest love
far from the shores of my country. Little did he know, I came from a shattered
past.
1 YEAR
LATER. SCOTLAND
ROAD CAM of the streets. CHARLIE and KUMIKO are on a trip
through Inverness. His grandfather owned a house there that CHARLIE inherited
after his death. SEVERAL ANGLES of them driving through the very rural bends of
the road, it's beautiful, mysterious. LAST MOVING SHOT towards the
windscreen, we see pan towards the couple.
KUMIKO
(browsing HELLO!)
-if only I looked anywhere near as gorgeous as Gywneth
Paltrow.
CHARLIE
Come on, you're ten times sexier.
KUMIKO
You've got to be joking. Look at her legs- well, I mean not
now while you're driving. She's so well proportioned.
CHARLIE
Yeah but she's too clean-cut looking for me. I like exotic.
KUMIKO
Is that what I am?
CHARLIE
Yep. She does have a warm personality though, goes a long way.
KUMIKO
God. I'd die for those legs.
CHARLIE
Give me a chainsaw- I'll go get 'em for you.
KUMIKO
(laughs)
Your sense of humour..very..what's the word?
CHARLIE
Twisted.
KUMIKO
Twisted. I like it.
He throws her an affectionate grin. One year has passed and
he still loves her as dearly as the day they met. Pulls over.
CHARLIE
Not long till we're there now.
CHARLIE
I've got something for you.
Inside, encased in acrylic and wood frame lens, was a tiny
brass roller organette.
KUMIKO
(excited)
Where'd you ever find this?
CHARLIE
I was just walking past this old antiques shop one day. Saw
it in the window and thought of you. I know you'd probably prefer flowers, but
somehow.. I dunno !I guess it's just something more memorable.
Seems kind of..odd and she fondles it with a mixture of
curiosity and mingled confusion, but she twists the dial at the underside of
the box and the organette springs to life, the melody of Schuberts Ave Maria
rings off clearly in sequence as each note is plucked from the pins as the
barrel turns minutely. It suddenly seems to her to be a very appropriate and
heartfelt gift. CHARLIE watches her face, a Mona Lisa-esque look of
tranquility.
Starts driving. As they reach a higher elevation the radio breaks a little.
RADIO VOICE
..had a Lynch living *zz* town; and the more I ref*zz*ed upon
his impending doom, the mor*zz* could not sleep..
CHARLIE
This damn thing.
He fiddles with tuner, attempting to find a channel.
CHARLIE
Knew we should've some CD's. Oh hang on. (another station
tuned in) I think I've got it.
BACKSEAT ANGLE. Oblivious to KUMIKO, who is staring lovingly
at her gift still, and CHARLIE who is busy with the radio, the viewer can
see a wild buck lope onto the road only meters ahead of the vehicle. SLOWMO
view of KUMIKO's eyes as lift and see the creature. There is little time for
her to scream before WHAM! the car hurtles into it. As it's body collides to
hear a terrifying animal wail and thumping noise, it's body breaking the bonnet
before spinning off accompanied with rapid braking, tires smoking on the road.
INSIDE CAMERA shakes. Blood from severed arteries on its neck sprays across the
windscreen, which shatters from the impact, LAP SHOT of shards of glass all
over CHARLIE and KUMIKO's lap.
Car comes to halt. CHARLIE CAM VIEW of his hands, covered in blood. He is
breathing heavily from shock. For a few desperate seconds
he's totally convinced he's been killed. We hear CHARLIE'S heartbeat after the
crash. He's fine but he sees KUMIKO looking away, unmoving.
CHARLIE
Kumiko!.Are you ok?!
Grabs her hand and shakes her by the shoulders. No response.
Her eyes are shut. He screams, more panic.
CHARLIE
KUMIKO!!!
Her eyes open. She is just stunned.
KUMIKO
(whisper)
Charlie..
Waves of relief visible on CHARLIE's face.
CHARLIE
Thank God. For a minute there..
KUMIKO
My head hurts.
CHARLIE
Try moving your body a bit.
She does and she's ok.
KUMIKO
I'm not injured. I'm just sore I think I banged my head. But
not seriously.
With some effort, CHARLIE gets out of the car. The vehicle is
a write-off, steam rises from the engine, which is still running albeit
emitting a number of irregular noises. The bonnet is bent into an
unrecognisable shape, small rivers of blood have pooled in the crevices,
dripping from the framework. CHARLIE is taken aback by how much damage the
accident caused.
CHARLIE
Jeessus..
He sees the deers body 10 meters down the road and walks
over. The body is crumpled and broken, glazed over white eyes stare back at
him, dead. He travels back to Kumiko, pulling open her door, jammed. She rests
against a nearby tree. CHARLIE steps around back and forth on the gravel
gathering himself and wondering what to do.
KUMIKO
Is it dead?
CHARLIE
(sighing)Yeah. He just jumped came out of nowhere,
didn't he..
From the distance, we can see there is a vehicle manouvering
around the mountain road they came on. CHARLIE VIEW we get a shot of it
disappearing from behind trees bending around trees, getting closer and closer.
Rusted T-Series 1972 Bentley. As the car approaches the driver sees what
happens, pulls by the couple. He's late 50's, has a wiry beard and curly hair
pokes beneath a beret, driving glasses and gloves, looks slightly aristocratic.
DRIVER
(peering out the couple)
Quite an accident you've had here. Strike a deer?
CHARLIE nods and points the the dead creature.
DRIVER
Aye, happens all the time around these parts.
CHARLIE
(raises eyebrows)
Oh yeah?
DRIVER
Yes indeed. Red deer thrive in these valleys. We've been on
about, we- I mean 'us' the local community- have been on about getting some
stalkers through here for ages. They've been bouncing off peoples bonnets like
tennis balls as of late. TThey keep getting in people's way all the time.
Anyway, are you alreet?
CHARLIE
We're fine, just a little shook up. (looks around) Any idea
on how to handle...this?
DRIVER
(points to a box on his dashboard)
Got a deer whistle on my one.
DRIVER
Yes well, first you should contact the AA. Police should be
informed as well about the deer. Listen, the nearest town is 30 minutes
away, you may as well hop in as they'll need you to guide them here, I'm going
that way. You'll have a hard time explaining where this place is otherwise. I'm
going that way anyway. Best call your insurance company first?
CHARLIE
Ah but it's a rental.
DRIVER
OK then give them a bell.
DRIVER
Names Reginald by the way.
CHARLIE
Charlie. (pause) Oh, and this is Kumiko, my girlfriend.
REGINALD
Pleasure to meet you dear, how are you feeling?
KUMIKO
Ah, you know, so-so. Bit, um, shaken up?
REGINALD
It's never nice having an accident is it?
KUMIKO
Yeah. It is the first time for me.
REGINALD
Really? Oh, I've been in dozens. Mostly has more to do with
spending too much time down the pub than anything else though. Still have my
license, shockingly.
We cut to another scene of the vehicle arriving in the entrance of a quaint,
idyllic Scottish village, we see cutscenes of CHARLIE in the police office with
REGINALD, also outside on the street talking with various companies on the
phone, with clips of him occasionally switching the phone to REGINALD who by
and large is being a proper gent and keeping KUMIKO company inside an antique
tea shop while this is happening. Finally CHARLIE comes in, clicks his mobile
phone shut, and sits down.
CHARLIE
Done. (exhales) Phew. Long day so far. Hey Reginald, thanks
for everything.
KUMIKO
Yes. Thanks.
REGINALD
No problem. I was just enjoying getting to know you're lovely
lady here. So she tells me you've a house in ---. That's quite a journey from
here to there. Is the rental agency sending out another car for you?
CHARLIE
Hmm. No. They say we can pick one up if we go by one of their
car lots. Trouble is the nearest one is in Glasgow. So we're umm, kind of
buggered really..
REGINALD
What are you going to do?
CHARLIE
I don't know.
REGINALD
If you've no better plans I can put you up for the night.
What say you?
CHARLIE
No it's OK. We can get a hotel around here--
REGINALD
Ridiculous! Believe me, I've plenty of space. Would welcome
the company to be honest. Gets lonely in these old hills. Never wanted to see a
real Scottish home?
KUMIKO
(looks at CHARLIE longingly)
Well I wouldn't mind--
REGINALD
There you are! She's sold.
CHARLIE
Hmmmmm...OK then (smiles)
REGINALD
Great. I'm warning you though, it's only a wee place.
They head off back into the countryside, an hour later they
arrive at a converted SCOTTISH CASTLE. It's clear now that REGINALD is
well-monied and possibly some kind of blue-blood.
KUMIKO
Wow. You live...here?
REGINALD
Yes. And my fathers before me.
CHARLIE
I thought you said it was only a small place?
REGINALD
Well, yessir. (grins) I've bigger homes abroad.
The front door is opened by a well-dressed butler.
We see many placards on the wall. SHOT of one reading: IN
RECOGNITION OF SUPPORTIVE CHARITABLE EFFORTS FOR THE 'CHRISTIAN EMERALD
CHILDREN'S CANCER TRUST' REGINALD CARNEGIE, 21ST EARL OF DRUMMOND.
CHARLIE
You live here all by yourself?
REGINALD
Pretty much. With the butler and a couple of cooks.
KUMIKO
Must be lonely sometimes.
REGINALD
It can be aye, indeed. But I'm alright.
CHARLIE
No family? Wife? Kids?
REGINALD
Ah here and there. As for a wife, yes I was married once. A
long time ago. She's gone now.
The butler comes down from taking their bags up to the room.
BUTLER
Sir Carnegie. Dinner will be served in an hours time. The dining room has been set for you and your guests.
REGINALD
Good. Could you fetch us a couple of coffees and I'll have a
brandy.
BUTLER
Certainly.
They go into the guest room.
CHARLIE
What happened?
REGINALD
I was selfish I suppose. I could never be satisfied. She
was
a good woman in every way but despite her best efforts she couldn't keep a hold
on me, I was always off dallying about down the pub or having a rendezvous with
secret girlfriends in Glasgow. I thought I'd never lose her but one day I came
home and she'd gone. Weeks passed and then it truly hit me how special she was
to me. Too late by then of course. She died only a few years after during
a routine surgical operation, before I could ever win her back. Well, if I'd
have known then what I know now. -Sad fact of life is, the older you get the
more
difficult it is to find people who love about you. I hadn't realized that yet.
I suppose the moral of this story, what I've been trying to say is, you two may
have been born thousands of miles apart, but what you have here is a rather
special bond. Whatever happens don't ever take it for granted that you have
each-other.
As CHARLIE sleeps besides her on the bed we
see
her take out an envelope from her purse. ANGLE from behind the note she takes
from the envelope. As she reads we see her eyes widen in shock. She looks at
him then back to the letter, which she drops on the side of the bed. FADE OUT
INT. CHARLIE'S BEDROOM ABOVE THE PUB- MORNING.
Sun pokes through the windows. CHARLIE gets
up
. The note reads "GOODBYE CHARLIE.I'M SORRY. I LOVE YOU" He looks at it in
anguish.
CHARLIE
Whaattt??...Is this some kind of...what the
fuck? This can't be real.
He goes downstairs with urgency. Fitzgerald
is
there behind the bar with a couple of regulars.
CHARLIE
(anxiously)
Hey, did you see Kumiko anytime this
morning?
FITZGERALD
(shaking head)
No. Are you expecting her?
CHARLIE
She stayed round last night. I meant did
you
see her leave?
FITZGERALD
Sorry. Hey Charlie, did you hear this one,
there's a bloke in the pub with his ex-wife-
CHARLIE
(on his way out)
-Yeah, later, later. And if Kumiko comes by
tell her to call me immediately alright?
FITZGERALD
(watches him leave)
Why certainly, master. (looks at customer) Hear that? (mimics
a stupid voice) call me imme-dia-tely
We see angles of CHARLIE walking around the streets of
London, visiting several places that KUMIKO can usually be found at. We can
clearly see the time.. turns from day to night day to night. Finally we come
back to CHARLIE in his BEDROOM, rereading the note.
CHARLIE
(panicking)
WHAT THE FUCK!
Screws up the note. Throws it in a corner. Seconds later he
picks it up, hands trembling, unfolds it.There's a knock on the door. CHARLIE
opens it. It's FITZGERALD.
FITZGERALD
(looking around the room)
You alright? Heard a bit of commotion up here.
CHARLIE hands him the note. FITZGERALD reads it with a queer
look on his face and hands it back, not sure what to say.
CHARLIE
(pacing around the room)
Gotta..gotta be some kind of a joke!
FITZGERALD
I hope so. Did you two have some sort of a blow-out?
CHARLIE
No!
FITZGERALD
You sure?
CHARLIE
(kicking the dustbin against the wall)
Yes!
FITZGERALD
Alright alright. Take a breath there Charlie. I'm sure
there's a simple reason behind all this. Has to be.
CHARLIE
(sitting on the bed)
Yeah? Well I wish I had a clue because I'm totally in the
dark here Fitzgerald. As far as I know we were doing great.(pause) This just
doesn't make any sense- FUCK!
FITZGERALD
Hey calm down there--
CHARLIE
(screaming)
SON OF A BITCH!!
FITZGERALD
Really Charlie, there's customers downstairs you know?
CHARLIE
Oh fuck them!(relaxes) Man. I looked everywhere today, her
college. She didn't go all last week. Spoke to her friends, none of them have
seen her for ages. It's like she vanished.
FITZGERALD
Don't you have any home phone number for her in Japan?
CHARLIE
Not really. All I have is this.
He pulls out an address scribbled onto a memo pad note. It is
written in both English, and below in Japanese.
CHARLIE
One of her friends had it. Got no phone number. Nothing. I
can't get a number for that place either. I tried the Japanese Embassy this
afternoon but it's not listed.
FITZGERALD
Damn.
CHARLIE
There's not a goddamn way or means of finding out where the
hell she is right now.
FITZGERALD
Hmm..
CHARLIE
We went up to goddamn Scotland together the other week!
FITZGERALD
Women eh?..Do you want to come down and talk about it? I've
got to get back-
CHARLIE
-Nah. (sighing) I've got to get out of here, clear my head.
Sorry for the racket.
INT.WORK
EVENING
PONYTAIL
Nothing left of her eh?
CHARLIE
No. Just this one photograph.
He shows Roger a photograph of KUMIKO from his shirt
breast-pocket. She is smiling, and looks pretty in her Japanese KIMONO, a
traditional gear and make-up done for her 20th birthday celebration years ago.
PONYTAIL
So she just upped and took-off huh? Without a trace?
CHARLIE
That's about it. Not even a goodbye.
Gollum suddenly peers his head around the corner.
GOLLUM
Should've gone out with an English bird, Smiley.
PONYTAIL
You sneaky cunt. Listened to the whole thing did you?
CHARLIE
What fucking business is it of yours anyway??!
GOLLUM
Me? I have ears.
CHARLIE
Go on piss off back to your hole.
GOLLUM
(threatening)
Oh yeah you gonna make me?
CHARLIE steps forward. PONYTAIL stops him, shaking his head.
PONYTAIL
It ain't worth it. You'll get the sack.
CHARLIE thinks about it and turns around back to his work,
furious.
GOLLUM
(sniggering as he walks away)
Besides you're both pussies anyway.
PONYTAIL
You'll get yours one day. Just wait and see.
CHARLIE
Someday soon.
GOLLUM
(calling)
Yeah but not by some old geezer with a queer haircut.
PONYTAIL
(turns to CHARLIE)
Best just to ignore that twat, what with your pay rise coming
next week.
CHARLIE
Christ is he a wind-up merchant. Makes you wonder if
his dad didn't rape him as a kid or something.
PONYTAIL
He's just a loser. Not worth the time of day. Anyway Charlie
I've got to be heading back to Meats now. Catch you later.
CHARLIE
Bye.
Later on blah blah blah. In aural vicinity
VASILIUS
Oh so you've been sent over to help me then? Greeeat.
GOLLUM
Yeah. Don't put me to sleep with your dreams about your boat
that'll never happen talk about something interesting.
VASILIUS
Okay. Let's talk about pussy right?
GOLLUM
As if you get any. When was the last time you got laid?
probably 'bout the same time we won the World Cup.
VASILIUS
Yes.Go ahead and believe that if you want to believe that.
GOLLUM
Still you can't be getting any less pussy than Charlie these
days.
VASILIUS
Well--
GOLLUM
You heard right?
VASILIUS
Yes. Unfortunate circumstances.
GOLLUM
Should just stay away from Chinks if you ask me. Bad news the
lot of 'em.
VASILIUS
Chinks? She was Japanese.
GOLLUM
Chinks?Japs? Whatever, same shit. All dinks.
VASILIUS
Do you ever stop?
GOLLUM
(laughing)
I mean imagine that, him shagging that sideways gash
(mimics a shrieky Asian girls voice) "Do meee Chawrleee Do mee!"
At that moment we see an angle of a tin can flying through
the air. It strikes GOLLUM on the side of the head knocking the beaming smile
off his face and almost taking him off his feet at the same time. CHARLIE
swerves from an invisible anger round the corner. He grabs a dazed GOLLUM--
CHARLIE
I fucking warned you DIDN'T I!!--
--he's furious, and before VASILIUS and a a couple of nearby workers can stop him he punches GOLLUM full-force and sends him sprawling to the ground. GOLLUMS nose is broken and bleeds profusely, he holds it with an angry sneer on his face, but there is obvious fear in his eyes. Other members of staff all come at the sound of the commotion. Some women are shocked but most of the male staff smile when they see what has happened. CHARLIE stands for a minute, finally GOLLUM speaks.
GOLLUM
Fuck you Charlie! You're dead!
CHARLIE's anger rises once again, he's beyond control now and
dashes forward to deliver a kick to GOLLUM'S head- but just as he's moving in
we hear a voice in earshot-
STEVE
(loud)
CHARLIE! Step away!
STEVE pushes his way roughly through the crowd of onlookers
to the front.
STEVE
What on earth is going on here?
It becomes obvious quickly and he stands between CHARLIE and
GOLLUMS now prostrate body.
STEVE
(arguing tones)
I think you better go wait for me in my office Charlie.
CHARLIE
He was fucking asking for it! He can't keep his fucking mouth
shut so I closed it for him.
STEVE
That was COMPLETELY unnecessary.
CHARLIE
Ask that lot!(pointing a finger at his colleagues)- I'm not
the only one sick of the little shit! I just did what they all wanted to!
He waits for some kind of acknowledgement of his statement
from the others but most are too timid to speak up in his defense. STEVE
notions for them to clear a path in the direction of the staff offices and
stands aside so CHARLIE can walk through, CHARLIE looks mildly disappointed at
VASILIUS for not backing him up, and then shoves his way through towards the
office. As a closing shot we see STEVE standing above GOLLUM-
GOLLUM
Go on, go get yourself cleaned up at the gents.
JOHN
(under his voice to CLAIRE)
Nice. I ain't had that much fun since me wife told me she
wanted a divorce.
INT.
STEVE'S OFFICE 2ND FLOOR SUPERMARKET
STEVE leads CHARLIE into a hardly used managerial room in a
disorgantised state cluttered with menial paperwork STEVE moves behind an
wide desk. He motions CHARLIE to take a seat.
STEVE
(looking melancholic)
Well, I wont beat around the bush Charlie. I'll have to
let you go.
CHARLIE
(shocked)
What?! Come on!
STEVE
Yes. Unfortunately, (points towards a camera in the corner)
it's all on tape. Now you know, and we all know Martin is a nuisance - and he
will be dealt with after this I can promise you - but you should have gone
through the proper channels and launched a complaint.It's the companies Zero
Tolerance Policy, you see. Even if I wanted to keep you on, -which obviously I
do, you're a hard worker- I couldn't. Any violence under any categorical terms
is instant dismissal regardless of the cause.
CHARLIE
But my promotion is just round the corner!
STEVE
I know. (shrugs and raises his hands in an apologetic manner)
CHARLIE
You're the manager aren't you? Can't you, you know- nods at
the camera- DO something about that?
STEVE
You mean fiddle with the videos? (smiles) I would if I could.
But the data isn't kept here, it's streamed to HQ, -funnily enough to stop
managers messing around with the tapes.
CHARLIE
Yeah but they can't be watching all the time. Probably
wouldn't even investigate if you left it out of your report.
STEVE
I can't do that Charlie. If I did and someone found out it'd
be my job too.
CHARLIE
(pleading)
Come on boss!
STEVE
I've a family to think about Charlie.
They sit and look at each-other but it's inevitable. CHARLIE
sits ashen, slowly accepting the situation. Finally stands abruptly to walk out.
STEVE
You'll get your severance within the next two weeks.
CHARLIE
(almost out the door)
Whatever.
INT. BUS
RIDE BACK HOME- NIGHT
FRONT CAM ANGLE of Charlie ruminating on an almost empty bus.
myriads of night-lights reflect all around him. On his face is a mixture of
high-emotion, pain and resentfulness.
INT. BACK
INSIDE THE MAIN BAR
It's little past closing time in the pub, when CHARLIE enters he sees FITZGERALD on his own, cleaning glasses behind the counter. FITZGERALD looks up, curious.
FITZGERALD
Eh? Weren't you on shift tonight?
CHARLIE moves over and sits on an empty stool.
CHARLIE
(drawn out)
I hope you've got some whiskey behind there, because I could really use a shot right now.
FITZGERALD
What happened?
CHARLIE
Lost my job.
FITZGERALD
Oh Christ.
CHARLIE
Yup. Must be my lucky year huh?
FITZGERALD pours two shots and gives one to CHARLIE. He
leaves the bottle on the counter.
FITZGERALD
Cheers
CHARLIE
Cheers
CHARLIE
Some asshole at work. Always pushing people around. Thought
I'd do a bit of pushing back.
FITZGERALD
You got in a fist-fight?
CHARLIE
Yeah. The management didn't see my side of the argument
though.
FITZGERALD
Unlucky year alright. (pause) Did you get him with a good one?
CHARLIE
Knocked him flying.
FITZGERALD
Oh well, probably cheered up a few people. There's other jobs.
CHARLIE
Lost my promotion too.
FITZGERALD
Sorry to hear that Charlie.
They sit for a short while. FITZGERALD goes back to cleaning
his glasses. CHARLIE takes out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up.
CHARLIE
I'm thinking of going to Japan.
FITZGERALD
What on earth for?
CHARLIE
(matter-of-factly)
To look for Kumiko.
FITZGERALD
(looking stupidified)
That's a tad bit drastic isn't it?
CHARLIE
Yeah, but I can't stop thinking about it. It's driving me
crazy. I have to do..something.
FITZGERALD
Just move on and find another girl is my recommendation.
CHARLIE
If I could just do that..But, if I did it would always be on
the back of my mind. All I want is an explanation Fitzgerald. Just to see her
face to face. I'm not going to be angry, all I want is to see her tell me why
and to find some closure. Then I can calm down ,and get on with my life.
FITZGERALD
Still seems barmy to me, going all the way over there. Like
chasing shadows.
CHARLIE
You've no idea what I've been going through. Somethings up. I
can feel it.
FITZGERALD
Care to elaborate on that a little.
CHARLIE
You don’t just up and leave like that. Not when you
have so much going on with somebody. You’d at least owe it to them a call, not
a letter or something. Just a note on the bed with ‘Goodbye’ written on
it for what it’s worth, but something. She didn’t leave me shit.
Not a whisper, not anything. No, people that are just starting out with
each-other who don’t get along, maybe they might break it off like that, but
not when they’ve done the time like me and Kumiko have...had.
FITZGERALD
'We had history' It's a cliche, there's so many guys saying
the same thing. I hate to say it Charlie but what you're going through is what
thousands of people are going through every day.
CHARLIE
I've never had someone special like her.
FITZGERALD
Yeah, because you've never let someone close to you before.
CHARLIE
That's kind of my point. She persevered. Even though I was
too timid a fuck to win her over she kept trying. That's why it doesn't make
sense, she's not the type too give up easily.
FITZGERALD
(unconvinced)
I think you're just running away.
CHARLIE
What exactly am I running from?- -Some, minimum wage turd of
a job - I don’t even fucking have anymore?... - My enviable popularity? Being a
fucking junkie?- Don’t do drugs, because escaping from a shit life
for a weekend isn’t doing me any good?- This place?- Two years
stuck in a fucking shoebox? You tell me, fucking what?-What could be better
than this?
FITZGERALD
Sometimes we end up with the right people. Mostly not. Charlie if I don't tell you, nobody will. You're wasting your time with this girl. She's gone. You'd do yourself a world of good if you set yourself into that mental state.
CHARLIE looks around desperately.
CHARLIE
(pallid, almost tearful)
I can't do without her..it's too much.,it's all too much.
FITZGERALD
(compassionate)
Listen to me, son.I know you’re unhinged. You’ve got a
million of these ‘Whys?’ And ‘Ifs?’ running through that head of yours, and
it’s consuming you, it’s breaking you down-- and for what? You’ve had a blow,
and I wont joke yes it is a big fucking blow, but it doesn’t mean you wont ever
laugh again. Life does go on. You’ve got to stop thinking of love as if
it’s something you can conquer tactically, like a game of chess that you can
win if you move the pieces into the right places correctly - it’s much more
like to a lottery. A poor man’s gamble if you will. You roll the dice.
That’s all you do. You roll the dice and it is categorically as simple as
that. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Mostly you lose. But that’s okay,
because even bum gamblers have a lucky break that can last them a last time,
they keep trying because they know one day their numbers’ll be coming in, even
if it takes half a lifetime. See, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn't fuck
up anything, by trying to seize the happiness that you had and keep a hold on
it. It's all down to her. Nobody could have guessed in a million years
that she was going to leave. Not me, not anybody who had met her. But it's
done. She's gone. People, you know, you can never bet on. Get on with your
life. Just give it some time and you'll be as sweet as mothers milk, you'll see.
CHARLIE sits absorbing FITZGERALDs advice. He takes another
sip, finishing the whiskey, and outwardly at least seems to regain himself
inside a little.
CHARLIE
Okay. Thanks.
Stands up to go with the glass. Reaches over to take the whiskey bottle. FITZGERALD shoots him an anxious glance and then relaxes.
FITZGERALD
Go on then.
EXT. QUIET LONDON STREETS - NIGHT
The wind howls mournfully around the metal buildings, dry and cold.
INT.
CHARLIE'S BEDROOM ABOVE THE PUB-
LATE NIGHT
It's a long night for CHARLIE. He stares at the ceiling on
his bed, a nearby bottle of whiskey and glass on the cabinet beside it, he
takes occasional sips. He's drunk and philosophical- it's been hell these past
few weeks. Blue shade from the street illuminates his face in the quiet
moonlight. A SHOT of his hand reveals the picture of KUMIKO clasped there
tightly. Another SHOT of his drunken blood shot eyes becoming heavier and he
falls into
a deep, restless sleep. Slowly we FADE TO BLACK as his hand falls to the bed.
INT. ROSE
& CROWN PUB. - MID-AFTERNOON
It's afternoon and the bulk of the lunch crowd have
dissipated from the bar, leaving only a couple of tourists and elderly
customers sitting around quietly. FITZGERALD enters, coming in and checks on
the staff, he wipes the bar quickly and then we see him head upstairs to see
how Charlie is doing. He knocks on the door and enters.
INT. CHARLIE'S ROOM. - NEXT DAY
CHARLIE's room has had a miraculous transformation. It's sparse, almost everything has been tidied, folded and almost every personal item has been carefully packed into boxes. CHARLIE has been busy all morning, he looks up as FITZGERALD walks in, stopping what he's doing. FITZGERALD is gob-smacked, but seconds later, realisation kicks in.
FITZGERALD
Are you leaving us Charlie?
CHARLIE
I'm sorry Roy. Yes. I'm going. I'm going today. To Japan.
FITZGERALD
Wow.
CHARLIE
Sorry to ignore your advice, but it's something I have to do.
FITZGERALD
(accepting)
Well..Oh well then. You’re your own best Uncle in the end.
You know what they say about me, full of shit most days even before I start
drinking. Find most of my answers at the bottom of the bottle.
CHARLIE
No. You're right in a way. Maybe this is an exercise in
futility. But either way I need to get something in motion. So, what the hell.
Call it a holiday if nothing else. I'll be back.
FITZGERALD
I suppose. Worst thing that can happen is you come crawling
back, skint as a fart but with a bit of travel in you. Nothing like going
abroad for 'broadening' your horizons. Probably have a couple of
stories in you to tell before you start becoming a melancholic little bastard
again too.
CHARLIE
(chuckling)
No. I'm done with that. That's the old Charlie.
FITZGERALD
How are you sorted for cash?
CHARLIE
(breaths in through teeth)
Yeeeah. Well. Plane ticket aside, I’m sort of- well, broker
than the day I was born, truth be told. Probably even worse off since The
General had a trust fund for me back then. Got a few hundred but you know,
something'll turn up.
FITZGERALD
That’s alright, the Bank of Fitzgerald will sort you
out. I’m not too rich as you well know, but a grand – that I can lend
you. I say lend. That also means I'll keep you to your word you're coming back,
to pay me back the loan if nothing else. That should be enough and
hopefully a little more for you to do what you’ve got to do.
CHARLIE
(stunned)
Really..?? Jesus Roy..can't thank you enough.
FITZGERALD
When's the flight?
CHARLIE
Tonight! Ten-thirty.
FITZGERALD
Fucking hell. You don't piss about eh?
CHARLIE
Thought I'd better get on a plane before I have
second-thoughts.
FITZGERALD
Alright. Well. Let me get off to the bank then and I'll drop
you off at the airport.
CHARLIE
OK. I'll just finish off here then.
FITZGERALD makes an exit, we see CHARLIE watch him as he
leaves for longer than necessary.
2 HOURS LATER. BAR
FITZGERALD walks back in and goes up to Charlie's room. It's
clear something is amiss immediately. CHARLIE's stuff has been sealed and
hidden away in the closet, the bedsheets folded and put away. On top of the
matress FITZGERALD finds a hurriedly scribbled note.
NOTE
'I can't think of anyone I'm going to miss more than you, and
I can't thank you enough for being with me through thick and thin. You're more
of a father to me than my real one ever was. But there's nothing I hate more
than goodbyes. Sorry. Why don't you use the money you were going to give me and
go on a nice fishing trip or something? See you in a few months Roy...Love,
Charlie '
We close up to FITZGERALD's face, serene, a twinkle in his
eye.
FITZGERALD
(to himself)
Could have payed the bloody rent first before leaving..
EXT. PLANE
HORIZONTAL SHOT of the plane from a distance flying into the
pendulous night clouds. Closing in we see night-lights of TOKYO, JAPAN closing
in. Zoom forward to an impossible SHOT of CHARLIE viewing the spectacle from
the seat window. He's excited and anxious. In his hands he holds the picture of
KUMIKO tightly.
INT. TRAIN
FROM NARITA- DAY
Similar SHOT as before- this time from a
local
train taking CHARLIE from the airport into the train-stop that appears on the
address he got from KUMIKO. TOKYO. We see the sign of the stop, and pan down to
the note to see it's the same address, FUNABORI. It's still Tokyo, but the
crowds are rather thin in the station- there's not many people about.
EXT.
SKYLINE SHOT TOKYO SUBURBS- SUNSET
CHARLIE walks up a hill with a heavy backpack on. A
tranquil, poetic sight. Everything
in presence is coated with the amber evanescance of the setting sun. Leaves
spin around in gusts of wind. The scene plays out almost as if in slow motion,
people on bikes. A fruit store with several old ladies checking the paucity of
watermelons. High-school kids with sailor uniforms pass-by, smiling and
chatting in gleeful tones. It spreads out for miles and miles. To your average
Japanese person it's what they see every day but for CHARLIE it's quite the
stirring scene.
EXT. CITY
STREETS, FUNABORI- NIGHT
A tired and irritable CHARLIE walks the streets. The weather
has turned to light rain, we see him pause to notice but it hasn't become heavy
enough to bother him yet. He has been searching for more than 2 hours for the
place on the note. We see him asking people for directions caveman-style- a
businessman, a taxi-driver. Eventually we see him reach what appears to be the
area, look around confusedly. It's appears to be nothing more than a 7-11. He
steps inside, looks about for a bit, then goes up to the cashier. He pulls out
his crumpled note:
CHARLIE
Sorry, um, this jusho ha kore? (this...address?)
The CASHIER takes a look at it. Nods. Hands it back. CHARLIE stares at him absently for a few seconds. The CASHIER takes a pamphlet from behind the counter. On it is a stamp with the shop address, and shows the matching kanji on it to that of the Japanese on the note.
CHARLIE
(dumbfounded)
Nobody lives here?
CASHIER
Eeeto. sorry?
CHARLIE
Um..hito...um...darka, dare ka koko ni sumimasuka? (does.
somebody live here?)
CASHIER
No. Just shop.
CHARLIE
(pointing)
Upstairs?
CASHIER
Eeeto desu ne. box (gestures)
many box. no person
CHARLIE takes a deep breath. It's over. The note, like the rest of it, was a faux. He registers its uselessness in his hands, tosses it over the counter childishly, and exits. The rain is heavier now. Bothersome.
EXT.
STREET - NIGHT
CHARLIE meanders aimlessly. CAMERA follows his path. It's
late night, there has been little time for him to look for a hotel. The rain
has soaked him through his clothes but he's too mentally distraught to care. He
trudges along until he finds a small ceremonial park bench, which he slumps
onto unceremoniously.POV angle of the bare streets with no-one in sight.
Finally the rain subsides but he is still sat there, empty-minded. The scenes
cut to show hours passing by. It becomes more late, reaching midnight. He
realises it's time to move on, find somewhere to stay, and jumps up JUST as a
guy on a bike is tearing by. The bicyclist is moving to fast to dodge CHARLIE
though he does try, and ends up catapulting himself off the front handlebar
when he veers into a railing.We see a
pair of feet approaching - pan up, it's a guy, late-twenties, stubble, very
blonde, tiny bit portly
but not enough to lose the jawline. Eyes visibly clear and blue even in the
dark. Not handsome but what some girls might call cute & cuddly type. His
name is REMO. American Boston accent.
REMO
(on the floor)
O-mae nani yatteru ka? (What
the
hell, man?)
His eyes scrutinize the scene properly- he realises he's not
talking to a Japanese person. He picks himself up.
REMO
(shaking his fist)
Goddamn tourist huh? Your glasses not get through immigration
or what?
CHARLIE would usually have a sarcastic remark at this point
but tonight has all been too much. He looks away.
CHARLIE
Sorry.
REMO
Yeah, you goddamn should be you sonofa... (registers
CHARLIE's distinct apathy)..yeah..well.. watch the street next time, you know?
CHARLIE
Okay amigo.
REMO
Yeah, don't go jumping in peoples..um.hey...whatcha you doing
out here anyway? Cats'n'dogs out
here ya know? You got all your shit in that backpack there?
CHARLIE
Yeah
REMO
Fuck man, it's soaked through. Hope you're not carrying anything other than clothes...
REMO
(imitating an East-Ender)
Heeey, I spot a London accent there old chap!
CHARLIE
--
REMO
Sorry, haha. So what's the deal here bro?
CHARLIE hopes to ignore him but clearly REMO is concerned. A
few seconds pass until finally-
CHARLIE
(inhaling)
Okay..Well, basically, I'm....well, for lack of a better
word-- fucked.
REMO
(grinning)
Yeah? In what way?
CHARLIE
Ahhh..well, let's just say a certain friend of mine screwed
me over, and here I am, in the rain.
REMO
I was gonna say. Ever heard of that little invention called
an umbrella?
CHARLIE
Haha, very funny.
REMO
Well what the hell you doing out here boy? You even got a place to stay?
CHARLIE shrugs.
REMO
Got money?
CHARLIE
Some. Not a fortune.
REMO
If you need a place to stay I can help you out- just tonight.
CHARLIE
CHARLIE looks around hesitantly, finally nodding his head in
resolution.
REMO
Don't jump out of your skin to thank me.
CHARLIE
Do you know anywhere?
REMO
As it happens I do. It's not the Grand Hyatt or nothing
but...it's --
CHARLIE
OK.
REMO
--close.
REMO picks up his bicycle to push it and motions for CHARLIE
to follow him. CHARLIE starts after him like a old-steam train that's
been out of service for years. LONG ANGLES of them walking along, through a
shopping district and into the suburbian areas, CHARLIE slightly behind, REMO
on his bulky mobile phone talking to some other foreigner-
REMO
(on phone)
..yeah pimp, like I said, it's an easy job, Souji arranges
the trial lessons, you go along and...what?..yeah.no. you don't have to buy the
coffee. What's the big deal about a coffee? Jesus Christ man, it's only 300 yen
or something. You're getting enough for the job. Besides it ain't
hard-work,
talking to some little smoking hottie for an hour over a coffee...yeah, I know
you're married, but
you get the point,damn- some people..oh- I just remembered you're one is a guy
actually...man, all you ever do is talk about how broke you are and here I am
trying to do the right thing by you and you're telling me you're not
interested, you can kiss my ass man...yeah whatever...seriously I'm done with
you, don't waste my time nougat-head..-
Hangs up. CHARLIE takes the opportunity to talk. He's livened
up a little from earlier.
CHARLIE
Hey sorry I was in a mood before. I want to say thanks-- for
all this.
REMO
Oh? Well, wait till you see the place before you thank me.
What's your name by the way?
CHARLIE
Charlie.
REMO
Hey, I'm Remo De Marco. (waits in anticipation for
something)You know, REMO, like in that movie!
CHARLIE
What movie?
REMO
Remo Unarmed BUT Dangerous? That fighting flick?
CHARLIE
Never heard of it.
REMO
Shit man.
CHARLIE
I got a friend back home who's kung-fu movie crazy.
REMO
Oh yeah? Must be a cool guy..
CHARLIE
Ummm...
The rain stops. 5 MINUTES PASS and they arrive outside at
a garish grey multi-block building. Most buildings in Japan are below 40 years
old, this
building is particularly derelict, old and in dire need of some new
reconstruction.
CHARLIE traces his finger along a wall and surfs a clean white line along
the grimy wall. The
windows are dirtied-out.
REMO
I know I know.. All this shit is from
selfish foreigners who come here for a while and then vanish at a moments
notice- leaving this asshole here me to deal with all their leftover crap. Been
meaning to take care of this for a while, but..you know..
CHARLIE
You own this place?
REMO
No, but I kind of rent-control is all. Just assist the
Japanese owners, you know, get people in here, in finding people to
live in this dump- *ahem* wonderful residency. See- most Japanese people don't
like to live in buildings
like this. Westerners- on the other hand- are less complacent.
CHARLIE
Tourists like me?
REMO
They come and go. Mostly just the same dudes who live here
all the time though. Same bunch of freeloaders.
CHARLIE
And now you've got an extra one.
REMO taps on a gign by the door with a smiley-face symbol
above it "HAPPY HOUSE- WE WELCOME YOUR HAPPY SMILES"-
CHARLIE
Like anyone ever smiled coming in here.
As he goes to slide open the door REMO does a badly-timed
and embarassingly poor impression of Axel Rose from
'Welcome to the Jungle'-
REMO
(squawking)
Do you know where you aaaaaareee?? You're in the jungle baby!!
Slides open the door.
CHARLIE
(trying not to cringe)
Front door isn't locked?
REMO
Nope. This is Japan, don't worry. It doesn't get safer than
here.
INT:
GAIJIN HOUSE, TOKYO
A long
corridor with rooms serves as a repository
for junk. Torn easy-chairs, Dust-covered TV's, bed-springs, chairs, dozens of
damp old futons stacked-up. Rank with old dirt. They both stare at the mess,
CHARLIES face is pure disgust, REMO's admiration.
REMO
Yep, you wouldn't think people get girls back here, but they
do- Oh, leave your shoes at the entrance.
CHARLIE
(taking off shoes)
Wouldn't want to get this place dirty right?.
REMO
Where's that accent from anyway, dude?
CHARLIE
London. England.
REMO
Oh coold country, went on a trip there once a long time ago.
Sweet. Okay, I'll show you the kitchen down here.
The corridor has poor illumination and in some alcolves along
the way candles did the job a replaced lightbulb could have, their flames
waving in the breeze let in by drafty, ill-fitted windows alongside them.
Remo quietly swore to himself when he tripped on an old portable heater left in
the darkness with all the other junk some home-sailing foreigners had left
behind instead of disposing of. Interspersed like shirt-buttons along were the
small, boxy rooms that the residents lived in. POV CHARLIE pan of 4 rooms as we
pass. Mixed sounds as he walks;- TV blaring commercials in Japanese, a
bit of
American rock & roll- The BeachBoys 'Don't Worry Baby' echoes from
somewhere-, an English lesson being taught from a man to a woman, two
men talking in Arabic, and in a dark but occupied room the snoring of a man.
Three of the rooms are empty.
We think we hear voices in the kitchen, but
when we go through the room is vacant and calm. The room is part kitchen/part
living room. Exhibited within is a reflection of disorganised lives; a garish
wicker mat dominates the entire kitchen floor in company with an old yellowed
refrigerator, the walls are completely surfaced over with
posters,placards,pamphlets- local nightclubs, places to see, general English
information etc is all up there-
and the sink is FULL of dirty dishes. In the lounge; well-used dart board, a
TV, a shelf full of English books, a cracked L-shaped leather couch that
nestles the walls is home to a giant TEDDY BEAR with a split marble
eye. Flecks of powder plaster fill the creases of the couch and the floor- the
consequence of badly-aimed
darts that missed and hit the wall. On every resting place can be seen diverse
objects of junk- from joke sex toys to empty beer bottles- essentially the room
serves as repository of leftovers- the aftermath of the many visitors that have
come and gone.
On the pillar that divides the kitchen side from the living
room CHARLIE looks at a cork panel brimming with photos of foreigners having
fun in Japan, and postcards of people writing to 'HAPPY HOUSE' about their
lives after returning to their respective countries. "Missing Japan
guys!"-"Wish I could go back!"-etc
REMO
(pointing out)
All the folks before you.
CHARLIE
Been a ton of people here eh?
REMO
Quite a few- Tight-little ass on that one chick there eh?-
OK. Time to show you to your suite, sir.
Takes CHARLIE back out to the corridor and along to an empty room. REMO searches his pockets for keys:
REMO
Look, um- what was your name again?
CHARLIE
Charlie
REMO
Charlie. Look Charlie I'm not going to beat about- I'll tell you straight. You're probably thinking that you're going to get some early sleep tonight but the thing is see, we just had so many foreigners coming in and out of this place and leaving their shit around that there just wasn't anywhere to dump it you see, and ah fuck it- just see for yourself-
REMO puts the key in and opens the door. He goes in and
flicks the light switch.
CHARLIE
Fuck, man.
REMO
YEAH. We figured we'd put all the crap in the empty rooms
until we found the time to get the garbage guys round...
CHARLIE looks in. It's a mess. The room is full to the brim
with junk. Small that it is it is completely full of stacked furniture and
rubbish. There is a stack of chairs in one corner, an 8 foot pile of used
futons in the other, and black bin-liners full of rubbish are heaped all over
the place preventing any movement. A small cooking area. CHARLIE can barely
step through the door for junk. The floor is barely visible beneath thousands
of sheets of carelessly scattered literature, beer cans everywhere.
REMO
(tittering)
Don't worry, we only get the roaches here in the winter.
CHARLIE wonders if he is joking or not. REMO goes over to the
dust filled sink and turns the tap on. Covered in protective duct tape. The
plumbing under the cabinet groans but soon a steady flow of water begins to
trinkle from the tap.
REMO
Wow. Motherfucker actually works. (points to the sink)
Don't piss in this. Toilet is down the hall ok?
CHARLIE looks at him incredulously
REMO
Hey I know I know. People do that sometimes, not saying
you're one of them. Anyway CHARLIE- there's a dumpster round the corner but
I'll be making sure I get some guys round to clear up all the shit in the
gallery next week, so just throw all this crap out into the hall ok? Earn your
keep.
CHARLIE
Alright
REMO's phone begins to ring. He steps outside for a second.
Muffled conversation we cant catch. Sudden CRACK of a thunderstorm beginning
outside. The rain begins to pour down again. REMO comes back in.
REMO
Sounds like thunder..- else Godzillas back in town. (laughs
at his own joke) Anyway, sorry I can't help you clean this place up but I've
just heard I've got some business to take care of.
CHARLIE watches him leave.
CHARLIE
Remo.
REMO
Yeah?
CHARLIE
Thanks.
REMO
Don't worry about it.
CHARLIE
Seriously I owe you man.
REMO
Hey, you probably would've done the same right. Tomorrow are
you free? Shit- course you are right? I'll come see how you're doing, if you're
still here. If you want to stay longer you'll have to pay me rent. It ain't
much though.
CHARLIE
Sure. See you.
REMO
Bye
REMO wanders off, whistling as he goes.
CHARLIE tastes the silence of the room for a minute. LONG
SHOT of his face, expressionless. Seems quiet and pleasant for a minute-
enjoying the rain- when suddenly the silence is broken by the
ear-piercing rattle of a train outside the window. The room shakes. CHARLIE's
eyes roll back as he realises the local elevated train line run directly
outside his window.
SEVERAL SHOTS of CHARLIE resolutely cleaning the room which
takes him all night. We see him piece by piece getting the junk out of the room
and into the corridor, ANOTHER SHOT scrubbing the walls and sink clean, which
shine up well after the duct tape is removed l after he took the duct] tape off
and gave it a few hard scrubs. NEXT SHOT CHARLIE has space- finds a
hanger and puts up his wet clothes, changes into jeans and a t-shirt from his
backpack. Still a little wet. NEXT SHOT CHARLIE spraying a can of air freshener
he discoveres in one of the bin bags lined up against the wall, and finding and
unrolling a semi-decent futon in one of the cupboards that didn't look like it
had been affected much by the conditions of the room. He looks exhausted but
fights on. Finally we see the room is bare and clean. He sits cross legged on
the futon for a few seconds then falls back fast asleep. Soon the days events
came wondering into his mind.
FEW MIXED SHOTS-
-The shop-keepers face telling him
-The bus with Kumiko next to him, her hands cupped around a
large latte. She nods at him and smiles, pearly whites peeking from
behind pink cushion lips, . They are talking but the voices are inaudible-
drowned out by the background music. She's laughing at some imaginery joke he'd
told her. In the dream he visit the toilet on the bus, and when he comes back
her seat is empty- QUICK SHOT CHANGE TO-
INT.
GAIJIN HOUSE LATE MORNING
-ANGLE of CHARLIES face as he wakes up suddenly. LOUD VOICE
outside his room. Australian accent.
MAN
Bloody thing. Come on you little bastard.
CHARLIE yawns, stands up. Coughs. Goes to investigate.
Outside he sees an Australian guy. Over-dyed blonde hair.